Benito
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« on: March 02, 2007, 07:01:34 AM » |
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Rock, Paper, Sucker Punch to the Throat!
"We're here live at the national Rock, Paper, Scissors championship" a reporter spoke to the vast audiences currently watching the B.L.A. News Network. "Over to the left, five time champion, Blitzer, will be taking on extremely gifted newcomer – Slater 'T3h B.L.A.' Googlemesh!" The reporter walked briskly over to Blitzer, "Hello, I'm reporter Dave Smith-Miller, here with the B.L.A. News. So, do you have a game plan for he championship match?"
"Well, Dan-,"
"Dave."
"Yeah, Dave. My game plan is to pull the old Rock, Paper, Kidney shot, so to speak, on this upstart who thinks to challenge my prowess." Blitzer told the reporter, the look of a deep, bestial cunning floating momentarily into his eyes.
"Surely," Dave the reporter replied, "your opponent, Slater, would not fall for such an old trick."
"Well, my patented move, Armor-Piercing Shotgun Round to the Face, has come to be an expected move by my enemies, so I don't believe I will pull that one out in such an important match ever since the invention of the Impenetrable Face Guard. And I want to keep the casualties from this year a little lower than the last years."
"I see. So-,"
Dave was cut short as the Ting, Ting, Ting of the five-minute bell rang out. Blitzer quickly made his way to the arena where the championship match would be held.
"Round one! Ready! Go!" A judge yelled out, quickly moving from the center of the arena. The two combatants moved forward.
"Rock, Paper, Roundhouse kick!" Slater, the challenger called out.
"Rock! Paper! Backstep!" Blitzer said, moving a step back, out of reach of the roundhouse kick.
"Draw!" Cried out the judge, "Round two. Go!"
Blitzer leapt forward, his hands whirling into the shapes of Rock and then Paper, ending in him yelling out "Backhand!" as his hand shot out in an attempted backhanded slap.
At the same time, Slater preformed his move, "Sucker Punch to the Throat!" but the two moves collided, bruising each other's hands yet not connecting with their intended targets.
The following rounds where much the same. The game continued for another 83 rounds. Both participants where injured, bleeding or bruised. Slater had developed a limp from a poorly defended Nunchuck Attack, back in the forty-eighth round, while Blitzer had a bloody gash above his right eye from a close call with Slater's Katana to the Face during round thirty-two. Round forty-two was called due to a failed call of an attack from Slater, who sidestepped Blitzer's Nightstick. Three consecutive rounds ended in a repetition of Slater trying to get his Flamethrower past Blitzer's Fire hose.
The judge called out the next round "Round 86! Ready! Go!"
Instantly Slater and Blitzer called out their Rock and their Paper, but Blitzer took his time with his third call while Slater jumped right into his.
"Paper Cut!" A small piece of paper flew from Slater's hand in a direct course towards Blitzer, who continued to hold back until the last second.
"Lightning Bolt!" Blitzer finally called, as out of the heavens a bolt of lightning streaked down to the two combatants locked in their deadly struggle. The bolt of lightning cut through Slater's paper, and tore into his chest, sending him flying backwards nearly ten feet, to lay on the ground, his body scorched by the wicked lightning, his attack rendered useless, and his clothing in ruins.
The judge was instantly at his side, hand banging on the ground by Slater's head, counting down from ten. "Ten… nine… eight… seven… six…" Gradually, only three seconds remaining, Slater stood, the crowds cheering as the entertainment continued.
Slater slowly moved over to his side as the judge called out the next round. "Round 87! Ready! Go!"
"Reflection!"
"Laser Beam!"
Slater had called his first and was spontaneously surrounded in a glimmering field of light reflecting energy. Blitzer's Laser Beam came almost as quick, hitting hard into the shield, only to be reflected back at Blitzer. It hit him in the left shoulder, sending him twirling to his stomach on the ground. He was down for five seconds, the judge tolling out the time, as he lifted himself to his feet. Again the crowd gave a loud cheer as these champions among men battled for the title of Supreme Rock, Paper, Scissors Man.
The eighty-eighth round was called out. Both combatants were hurt beyond normal limits, yet pushed their bodies to their limits, adrenaline pumping through each participant's veins. As they called out their Rocks and their Papers, Slater held out his hand, holding it in a strange, cupped form, and said, barely audible to even himself "Abstract Concept of Hope."
His opponent, in opposition to Slater's quiet technique, yelled out, in a booming voice, "Armageddon!"
No move had ever been banned from Rock, Paper, Scissors, but it any moves where to be banned, it would be these two. Fire rained down from the sky as the very ground split asunder and spewed forth lava. At the same time, people could not begin to comprehend Slater's technique, and in the confusion, they disappeared in a puff of logic. All around, the world was being mutilated. The ground twisting into scorched shapes to symbolize death and destruction. In the end, only the charred remains of the tortured earth remained, a reminder of the destructive power of Rock, Paper, Scissors.
It was a great story in it's day, and I felt like posting it. I'm going to write a sequal. Which most people would say isn't possible as everything was destroyed.
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